We first started flirting back in college. The late night sessions sprung the perfect situation and circumstance for the two of us to come together. Like all great love affairs the start to this one too was over the top and heads over heels type. All nighters, no sleep days. High points of energy and adoration for each other. Insomnia and me were attracted to each other like a moth to a flame.
I wouldn’t exactly call it insomnia thou. Maybe a distant relative. One which doesn’t exactly qualify as a condition but more of an occasion constantly revisited. My sleep hours were modified around this love affair. Although like most love affairs the same gaga-ness of the early days no longer exists. Over the years I have yearned so much to be away from it, to try and get it out of my system for good. But alas to no joy. It has learned in ways to modify itself so as to assure its ever lasting presence in my world.
Insomnia (or rather it’s distant relative) has learned that it can no longer rely on it’s own to keep itself a deep rooted part of my life. It has learned to feed on other aspects to help this dysfunctional relationship with me going. Sort of like a love triangle. Using emotional content to get to me. It feeds and feeds. Keeping me awake. Some nights restless. Others just plain sleepless. It feeds and it succeeds for most part. On most days I am able to fend it off at a relatively good time. And on others still it stays with me into the wee hours of the morning. Even on weekdays. Weekends are just another story altogether.
Insomnia or rather sleeplessness .. the bad drug that I can’t get rid off. The addiction that lingers on despite me knowing its harms.
And so it has come to me tonight as well. Most fully prepared. Flirting against the edges of my conscience to create a false mystery and illusion. To draw me in. To capture me for the night.