For as long as I can remember I have always allowed myself to drift into thoughts of what my future is going to be. Where I would be working, how my life will be like once I am married, how I would be with my kids and so on and so forth. And for as long as I can remember I have always had to deal with this habit of mine with both delight and despair. Simply because it has had to be coupled with the overburden of thought. I have overthought almost every aspect of my life. So some time back I had made a vow to myself that I will consciously make an effort to stop doing that. Not surprisingly that vow did not hold. But then that’s who I am. That’s who I will always be.
I think half the time the problem isn’t with people trying to change some habits about themselves. Half the time its coming to terms with the fact that certain habits are essentially you. They define you as a person. They are an integral part of you and thus as hard as one may try you just simply can’t get those certain habits out of yourself. I am someone who thinks about things a long way off, analyzes certain personal / professionally personal situations to the last tooth and when it comes to feelings then am a very passionately emotional person. If I am with someone I am quite heavily emotionally invested in them. I am very committed. I did some research on my star sign a little while back and as it turns out I match maybe a little less then half of what an Aquarius male should be like. Certain aspects are spot on but then certain aspects are like poles apart in comparison. But then that’s the beauty of being human. We are all separate and unique individuals.
I will always be the person who analyzes and overthinks. The person who visualizes a future not really that close (or let’s just short term). The person who will be really emotionally invested in their feelings for others. That is who I am.
Coming back to the part about the future, I just saw the last episode of the show ‘Desperate Housewives’ ( yes guys that’s right… I saw the last episode of that show and no it doesn’t make me a woman. The show happens to be really interesting ….. in small doses ). Anyways so yes the last episode of the show ‘Desperate Housewives’ made me think about how I think about the future and how it will turn out. And as I saw the futures of each of the 4 main characters on the show I realized that neither of them turned out to be anything I would have thought or ..well fictionally speaking the character themselves would have thought.
My point is I know I think about my future a lot and how things will be and the way they should be. And it’s always been like that. But at the same time the possibility of them turning out very differently from what I thought is also quite real and in fact to be honest a proven theory in my case. So this cycle of mine will continue where I will think about my future a certain way and so on and so forth and things may turn out differently and I will just accept the differences and move on. But somewhere along the way there are going to be certain points… or certain things which will force me to be a different person from who I am. The kind of person I have been the opposite of in certain aspects of life. Oh well… I guess all part of accepting the differences and moving on.
As the lines from a really old song my father used to listen to goes:
‘Quay Sera Sera, whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see, Quay Sera Sera,
When I was just a little boy, I asked my mother what shall I be? Shall I be handsome, shall I be rich, and here’s what she said to me,
Quay Sera Sera, whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see, Quay Sera Sera’
So on that note I bid you a good day… may your mornings start as they normally do and not having been up 2 before required.