Man is given a short time to live in this world. In that short time we come across many people, connect with many people, disconnect with many and let the existence of some fade from our life’s radar. Those who never really made it to the radar to begin with.. don’t affect you. But those with whom you once connected with, had long talks, laughs, secrets, shared special moments with.. if you disconnect with them ..for one reason or the other… those really affect you. Maybe not immediately, but somewhere down the line it does. As one grows older .. one tends to pay more and more attention to one’s memories, which in turn are a great companion.. but one which leaves you feeling alone without the company of a third (i.e. you, memories and another person reminiscing those memories). You feel isolated. You long for the old days. The days of being in an environment of absolute comfort.
I’ve just turned a quarter of a century old (I know I know .. I am being a bit dramatic.. but well .. that’s how this particular birthday of mine keeps hitting me). I know I’ve a lot more to see in life .. a lot more to learn… a lot more to experience. But what I have so far learned and experienced… the people who have been there in my life … some continue to be there and they will be there for a long time to come Inshallah it brings me to certain realizations and conclusions. I know there are some relationships/people I connected with once upon a time… with whom I don’t in the same sense. And I probably never will either. Not to the same degree. And I really can’t do anything about those. Some of these .. well just got distanced, some got severed due to a lack of being able to move forward anymore, and some .. well … I don’t know .. just moved away.
It makes me sad. Sad because of the memories as I mentioned earlier. Sometimes one feels sad because they start dwelling into the whole ‘what could have been?’ question which is bound to cross everyone’s mind from time to time over certain situations and circumstances. I did that some time back ..and then I did it today. But I also thought of a ‘what could still be?’. Now that is an important question too .. and one which can be instrumental in any reconnecting / rekindling possibilities with people you’ve distanced from. If people could perhaps give a little less time to the past question and more to the future question… maybe the isolation that we start feeling at times can be greatly subsided. And maybe it will help us acheive something before it is altogether too late and fate hands us the hard blow of the natural destination of all things living in this world: death.
Companionship is one of those extremely important and deeply rooted needs of all humans. Its one of those things which after all makes us human.
Right now I am dwelling on the ‘what could still be?’. It seems a little tricky …and then again in my case I’ve always preferred things to be complex (subconsciously of course), and uncertain. I don’t know how I can work on what can still be. Or what will be. Rather the what will be is the decided one. The one which will be there. What can be is the one which could possibly turn out to be what will be. Only time will tell. It feels unnerving exploring certain areas with people you reconnect with out of fear of losing them again. Man is indeed a strange creature.
I have realized about myself that I would want the companionship of someone familiar to me… someone comfortable with me, I don’t think I have it in me to start from scratch for that one. And to be honest …my mind is playing with me in consultation with my heart (aka the forbidden organ). I don’t know what to do. I cant risk stuff at this point in time. And I don’t want to lose anyone either.