I keep running in my head. Running away from the present. Sometimes to the past, sometimes to a future I don’t know the reality of. I’ve thought of this before as well. And it always seems to turn out the same invariably. I run mostly for purpose and in search of inspiration. I find none at the moment. Well not purpose which would be meaningful anyway. I mean everyone likes to keep a wallet which would run their lives for them. Who doesn’t?
Purpose for which we feel the reality of our existance. Purpose, without which it would all seem like a bit of a waste. Everything would then wouldn’t it. We need purpose in our lives as much as we need the air we breathe, the water we drink. Some find it. Some toil for it. Some …..well … they stand in abyss.
We struggle to come to terms with something which is not becoming of us much less with something which is more or less nothing. A slab of drudgery through the journey that is life. Without that particular ‘purpose’ for which we all exist, without knowing it or in someway being connected or associated with it, the journey…. becomes painfully meaningless.
However, purpose alone is not enough. As I said earlier, purpose at times can be meaningless as well. At the core of it all… lies inspiration. Inspiration doesn’t necessarily have to do with lights going on in a flash in your head or a moment of genius in which you end up inventing something. Neither is it necessarily a vision or that which makes artists create marvels of absolute beauty and awe.
Over here what I mean by inspiration is what makes a person tick. Again mind you not necessarily as a means to achieve greatness or glory. But inspiration to tick. To embrace life with color and positive demeanor. To manifest excitement and to create passion. It could be an epic movie for some ( a battle scene from a great war of fantasy or history). It could be a song which hits you much beyond your ears and brain, way deep into your mind and soul. It could be achieving a simple goal as well. It may very well also be the sport you play daily. (Watching is obvious I would think! Who wouldn’t be pumped and inspired after watching a great performance by their team of support!)
Right now … at this particular moment in time, I find none anywhere near me. This is kind of sad. For I love music, I love reading, I love watching epic movies. And I definitely love sports – watching Afridi standing triumphant after we became the T20 Champions earlier this year was truly inspirational… not just for me but the entire homeland especially at that point in time.
Having said that I am not entirely banished into abyss … and not completely with the lack of something to make me tick. But its not the same. Its not the same as when … well … a year back even.
I need a move on. A nudge….a moment of madness…… or as I’ve said many times in the recent past…. I need some time off from what is my life. I need a reintroduction to my music. I need a beach, with sand, sun and the waves. That would surely be perfect. But that’s not happening for now….so I am guessing I’ll have to make to do with a cool tall glass of lemonade and whatever my iPOD has to offer me!