Usually people like to refer to things from their past as their ‘Ghosts’. These are usually memories which have continued to haunt them even after some time has gone by. These are memories which refuse to leave and make you re-live the moment in your head all the time. Even after you subdue them to your subconscious, they are still there invisibly disturbing the thought process.
I like every normal human being have had bad and good experiences and cherish and regret bad and good memories. I like to think that I want to and have been living a life of ‘no regrets’ since last year after taking up that motto but I don’t think that is the case. There are certain things that I cannot un-attach myself from. Although it should be noted that when I did decide on making ‘no regrets’ a viable policy for life… based on a certain incident/situation that was there or rather prevailed at that time… it worked wonders for that particular incident/situation. I’ve no regrets for that. But there are other things which have happened since then… are continuing to happen, which I can’t let go of. They continue to bother me. For me my ghosts are not just incidents or events from the past. They are not just old memories. They are also very much from the present living time.
It has now gotten to a point where I am becoming flustered and frustrated with the entire scheme of things. Being reasonable with myself won’t be a regular feature in forthcoming months I feel. I am just hoping that somehow this coming season just passes by and life can move on.
But it is after all just a mere hope. It floats. But I don’t know till when. My external and internal worlds start to collide and conspire both at the same time. Imagine what that must be like? Place your head in between a cactus and a needle. It pinches, it pokes, it induces pain like nothing else but its own very special kind.