Vindictively Alone….


Man is born alone. Man dies alone. It’s not like he takes another soul with him on his death journey. In fact everyone you come to know in your life will be lost forever on you once you die. You will never recognize anyone again after this life. Not even people you love with your whole.

As if that’s not bad enough….. people end up being alone in this life as well. Circumstances lead to such that they drift through life, without really holding on to anything or without being held on by someone else.

People don’t always turn out to be what they initially seemed. Feelings can change in an instance. Some painful scars can linger on for seasons beyond seasons. Everything that you have envisioned inside your head could turn out to be nothing more than a fable, a fantasy ….. a fairy tale story. All in the process leaving you alone with your thoughts…. with yourself.

You don’t feel like reacting to stuff that you’ve only just started to realize… like stuff that you’ve been left out of. Or how the presence of you is like a tiny blot on a windscreen in other’s life. Like … you’ve lost complete confidence in feelings that you have. In feelings that others might have for you. On that whole idea altogether. Its like … what’s the point. ‘My destiny is alone’ …..which might not be true unless you want to be melodramatic about it. But still… that’s how it tends to be at times. That’s how rigid your self loathing and ample feeling of patheticness can get.

It is human instinct to think of oneself as alone on certain levels. Don’t our minds often wander towards outlets of emotions in a remote destination without any contact with the real world ? Don’t we at times imagine ourselves sitting ‘alone’ on some roof or some height staring into the dark night and the bright stars ….. thinking whatever thoughts there might be….. but sitting and thinking alone… ? We all do. You’d be lying …. to yourself if you thought or said you don’t or haven’t ever.

The Spartans …. outcast their young warriors of age 10 or so … into the wild .. to survive on their own. To grow on their own. To become men on their own. All alone.

So to prove human nature …that’s an example of it from history. It’s in us to be alone at some point in time.

But it hurts when we are alone by external forces and not by choice. When we are alone by choice ….we are looking for solitude. And when we are alone by external forces………….we are isolated, abandoned…… forgotten even. It really hurts then. When it’s sort of in between ….. you have mixed feelings and doubt over everything else even if it hasn’t quite reached that stage yet where this entire debate would be applicable to it.

When we are not alone by choice ..and rather circumstances beyond our control……we turn violent on ourselves. Maybe not physically… but emotionally. Our souls remain tormented. Uncared. Unloved. All sorts of negative thoughts get a free pass into our mind. And slowly and slowly we orchestrate our own mental demise…..we become instrumental in unscrewing our own strength and iron will. We become our own worst enemies.


One comment

  1. I understand…and agree completely to each word written..and believe more in the isolation that we create around ourselves for this quest for self identification, destiny or search for something which we are yet incapable of spotting, leaves us absolutely uncared as to how important we might be to some people..but i believe it’s far more important to discover yourself first than to let others discover you, because if you’re lost once, you’re gone forever, and no matter how hard anyone tries to make u feel for something..u will never be able to feel it at all…

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