Gibberish…of a drained mind…


Imagine … violins playing in the background. They are touching just the perfect note for this moment. Completely defining my state of mind. Imagine that sound of music, so perfect.

The dark grey sky complimenting the violin strings … the drops from my eyes blending with those from the sky. The strong wind a perfect excuse to make it difficult to keep my eyelids open.

Gloomy weather for a gloomy mood. Its the perfect combination. Makes it a little easier to get through pain when it can easily blend into the surroundings and go unnnoticed as just another result of the weather.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be happy right now. But …. I am just thankful for the weather. I don’t have to look at my tear drops. I don’t have to look at pitiful sympathetic faces. Most of them saying something they cannot even comprehend.

‘I know what you are going through’ …. ‘I’ve been through exactly the same thing’….’I understand’ ….. ‘I can imagine’ …. ‘I know how you feel’ .

Poison words. Because you are not me .. .and you cannot possibly know how i feel. You cannot imagine what ‘I’ am going through because you are not me and don’t know and can’t know how I feel because you are not me.

I wish people would just not say anything instead of this irritating line. Every person is different. Hence every person’s experiences become different by that virtue even if everything in the situation is exactly the same.

They don’t know a thing.

I feel trapped. This music helps me. This violin helps me. But I still feel trapped. Nowhere to go, nowhere to run. Nowhere to place my shoulder to. I have to carry my own burden…. carry it by myself. No one else can share it with me. It was mine to carry anyways. And besides… everyone has their own share of problems.

I can’t think of what to do. I can’t think of the perfect solution. I am already grim and the easiest solution can only make my grimmer. Not to mention a goliath of life long scar.

I envy actors….. they hardly ever have to be who they really are. Who everyone really is.

Bastard coated bastard with bastard filling.  – Dr. Perry Cox. (SCRUBS)

I am losing sleep over losing myself and yet I am drowning in the same. The distance has grown… and the way is lost. Lost completely in my already drained mind.

Important: This post was not supposed to make any sense.

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Author: Sammy Wiseguy

Marketer, blogger, reader, Arsenal fan, frequently emotionally wounded cricket fan

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