He sat in front of his PC with a heart detached.. from the real world, in one of it’s own. Might have been better to have faced the demons that lay his angels to the ground. But no matter whatever he finds. It all turns to dust eventually through the intricacies of his mind. His vision like a 24/7 station for dissarrray… like black and white pictures with heavy grain affects. So bold , in just trying to survive, life. To survive the cold harsh truths.
“Accept the truth” …. but it’s so hard to … and so he continues sitting …. alone… the songs play in the background ‘i just don’t know…. ‘ … Where is his calling now ? It’s so hard to find the source of the sound. But He thinks it’s so important to find where it is coming from. Would he have it any other way? … he wish he knew. He wish first of all if there was another way. Then as if a ghost took him by his hand, he got up. His brain had already been fuqing him since morning “THE joke is on you … you sap”… what’s the harm in letting whatever it was guide him. He slid through the darkness… “Be real quite” . The voices were talking to him.
“I am ending all this pain for you”… but why do i have pain he thought to himself. I have everything. I am healthy. I live, better than 2/3 of this country. I may even be loved, even if i don’t see it. Who am i running from then ? This night wasn’t like the rest. He knew that from the start. The cool breeze of the evening wasn’t mocking his memories. The moon wasn’t half sinister. This night can’t be real. It’s relatively calm. Apart from the spirit that was guiding him, or atleast he thought it was a spirit.
He kept walking through the darkness… and with every further step…. he thought.. this can’t be real. What can’t be real? … i don’t know… thoughts were jamming up in his brain now. “Your answers will be given soon”… hardly comforting. His life was based on that promise. It still lingers on. And he knew truths could sometime be decieving.
Crickets , bats … he could hear them about. He was outside. He was in the wild nature… and couldn’t help but feel that something from this natural setting was unreal, and from within this something , or some being was communicating with him. “You like tonight?”
Yea… he thought. For one , i haven’t spiralled in my emotions. I haven’t thought to myself. I haven’t spent another night self destructing. I haven’t bitched. I haven’t gotten drunk on my emotions. So yea.. this night is good so far. “You want this night forever?” … the voice called to him now .. out of his head…. almost as from the world he could see and feel. Could it be. Are my answers calling to me? ….
“Perhaps… if you want them to… if you truly want them, then they are all yours… ofcourse .. you must realize… Tonight is like a million miles away… away from this world you are familiar with… this life that you know… this reality that exists in front of you… it’s far away from all this.”
I accept he called out into the darkness, not entirely sure where he was supposed to be facing, but sure enough to surrender himself to the voice. “And what of her?” ….
And he stood .. in silence…. he didn’t know. What of her? … he didn’t know. Even after all this time… he didn’t know. He couldn’t know. And after all that had passed. There was still uncertainity…..and before he knew it .. the voice dissappeared … taking the night with it. He snapped out of what seemingly was his imagination, back in his room… back in his misery… the night was like any other night. In the concrete jungle. He buried his face in his hands …… it seemed like an eternity would pass before he could feel that night again…..before he could find his answers… and he was so close tonight…. now he is a million miles away….