Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
Malcolm X

I have spent most of my past 5 years, constantly being challenged by myself. Not in the positive sense that most management gurus promote. But, by my own hand fed paranoia and depression cycles. I have often, during this period, broken down, had fights with my family over ridiculous issues, and generally come off as a grumpy person. At the same time however I have also, had filled inside me ‘realizations’. Truths, which more than anything else will, remain with me for the rest of my life. Atleast I hope so. These realizations have helped closed down certain angles of my depression and paranoia.

Some of the realizations, rather most of them have been about myself. Like I for one can’t go on without music. I just can’t. I am a humanitarian more than a nationalist. I like to think that i would be better off helping mankind than helping, politicians mend their ways. I want to feel I have done something that is the least of being selfish in this realm of life. I have done something in the way of Allah, by helping his creations, by lending a hand. (and not in the simplest of ways). I have realized that I am more open to certain change than I thought I would be before. I realize that what I want the most, I probably have to do a lot more for than I imagined. A whole lot more. So much more that it is almost overwhelming.

I have always dealt with my depressions in the usual, sad ways of the crying man. Smoked my brains out, or cried my eyes dry. Neither is very encouraging or healthy no matter what the short term effect. When I get angry, I take action. And as Malcolm X pointed out , that is when one brings about change. But, here’s the catch, we are just talking about change, no one knows whether it will be positive or negative change. It’s how we handle and direct our anger that decides whether to run for cover or build towards a difference.

I want to achieve my goals, my dreams , my ‘needs’. I have to work for it. I have to take the tough choices. I have to make the tough decisions. I have to sacrifice myself mentally. No one else is going to walk up to me with all of the hard work on a plate. I am not king, I am not immortal. I will be judged, by Allah, I will be judged by my own soul. I will question myself, if not in the real realm then perhaps in the subconscious. I will pin myself for answers to why? And then I won’t be able to face myself. And I will continue to rot in this vicious mental cycle.

Everybody needs a hero, everybody is one, someway or the other. “There is a hero in all of us”. We just need to find him/her.


Either you define the moment or the moment defines you.

Tin Cup



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