Running..from myself…


Everything that i thought i would be, has fallen right in front of me. Every second .. becomes more than i can take. I become so much more … than i should be. So much more than what i should not be. I have no choice left. I have to run from myself. Before i hurt someone. Before i hurt those i love… or those who love me. Before i hurt myself. Before i become so numb that .. i forget … everything. And all i see is a blur.

everything that everyone wants me to be… is a distant dream. Everything everyone is afraid of what i will be… a stark reality standing , in human form, in the shape of me. I have to run from myself.

Nothing… i do … i say… i plan… i want…. is unassociated with pain for me or for others. And now i become a part of me … ironic.. thats how its supposed to be. But i want to seperate myself from .. becoming myself. I have to forget myself … i have to run from myself.

But my shadow’s right there behind me. Hounding me , everywhere i go. It never goes away. I wish it would.

The imperfect… far from what is perfect. Bad… far from what is good. Far from rational. far .. far … far from … what i hoped i could be.

This is the end .. i knew would come for me. Sitting alone in this cold room…. all to myself… with no one. But my thoughts to consume me to my death. I have successfully driven everyone away already. So no one’s left behind anyway. My tears .. my salvation of sorts.. a temporary break away.

Who knew .. this day was going to be like the rest.

– The Bad Son , 1985 – 2007 ..

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Author: Sammy Wiseguy

Marketer, blogger, reader, Arsenal fan, frequently emotionally wounded cricket fan

5 thoughts on “Running..from myself…”

  1. So you decided you will beat yourself up about things THEY should realize and understand. Call it lack of communication or whatever, I know for a fact that you respect your parents wishes more than I ever could. This doesn’t imply that i disrespect them but I am more of a “do what i want person”. You are more considerate even if the demand doesn’t make sense.

    The last thing you should be doing is getting worked up about it and start signing your blog as – The Bad Son. Like I was saying today, trying adding value to things you are doing right now. Make them seem like a choice rather than an obligation or lack of choice.

  2. a mere moment of unrequired angst. wrote this while listening to my collection of Angry music. i have titled playlists for specific moods you know. i have the angry music… which kind of defines itself. i have ‘for crying’ playlist .. which again defines itself. And then their is the mood maker . that is the only playlist of positive connotations..

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