I lay there , waiting for the last breath in my body to take leave. Waiting for the axe to grind right through my neck. Waiting for it to end. Waiting for my judgement to come , for it has long been overdue. Very long.
I wait for my judgement knowing that it is not my friend. But it might be my savior, from myself. A life lived without judgement. A life lived without repent. A life of ignorance.
I never carried on my shoulders the heaviness of my actions , or inactions. I never once cared for the outcomes of my decisions. The slightest thought of fear of wrong doing present in my spirit , or soul , was done away with by my vices.
All was so relative, yet so distant. Every bit of my eyes , held a passion , a passion for evil. For being bad. Yet there was no remorse. And i carried on , like a trooper on a mission to protect his home . Only I carried on with my misdeeds. I carried on as a agent of satin himself.
Sin after another. The Epitome of a cold heart.
And now, as i lay here , waiting for my last breath to come, i see it all flashing before my eyes. Every sin in front of me, everyone i have wronged in front of me. Screaming. Scorching me with their eyes. For the first time in a long time, i feel my soul. Only i feel it when it is screaming, crying, tortured by its own designs. Today, i have in my own eyes forsakened myself. Today, I cry. Today i need to save myself, from my own monster. I need a saviour. And death has only ever been so dead right in its timing to serve as one. Maybe i will be free of myself. Now.