Free-fall

It is important to read the following before I start. This incident was forwarded to me on email, and sadly… there is no element of shock left in me over these sort of things….. just the sadness that prevails.

A 30yr old guy went out for dinner with his wife n 3 sisters to BBQ-2nyte at around 8:30pm…he had parked his car near the Nissan showroom….the restaurant had the usual hustle bustle of this peak time n their car was surrounded by many others…after dinner as soon as they got back into their car, a corolla with tinted windows stopped right next to their car, a man came out n asked them to give them whatever cash, jewelry they had—they did as they were told, hoping that the gang would go away as soon as they get sum valuables. but that’s not what happened- …..After the “corolla-guy” got cash n sum jewelry, he asked the man to give him one of the 4 women he had with him..(3 sisters n his wife) …the man was dumbstruck!!…he said that these were his wife n sisters they were talking about-…upon his resistance, they snatched away his wife, bundled her in to their car n drove off. The helpless man could not do anything to save his wife from these ruthless, disgusting people—he just smashed his head with a huge stone he found nearby n died on the spot. n there has been no news of his abducted wife.

Our country is in a state of free-fall. Free-fall by definition is only attributed to physics. But our society,economy, and all other systems that are part and parcel of a country and nation are very much in free-fall. We are constantly falling with no direction but downward, being pulled by the gravity of the ‘real’ world to crash. Imagine when we will eventually crash. And that’s not a joke, it is inevitable if this nation does not learn from it’s mistakes. How many more incidents like the above one must we see before we realize we have to act. Before we realize we have to wake up. Or are we just waiting for something like this happening to us so that we become helpless.

We have to realize that just constantly blaming the government for all its misgivings is not going to help. No one is going to do anything about it. We have to act ourselves. Create our own fortunes and not wait for someone to come with a magic wand and grant us 3 wonderful wishes. The law and order situation is responsibility of the authorities. So instead of taking out protests over the countless meetings and committees created for the ‘Judicial Crisis’ of Pakistan, why weren’t we out there demanding better measures of law in this country. Are we so lost that we are skipping the part where the law is being broken to the part where the felon ( if caught ) is tried by who we think is the ‘rightful’ chief justice of Pakistan. We should have demanded a better police. We should have demanded better accountability of the law enforcement agencies. We should be demanding that the government and all it’s partners in crime actually focus on making the lives of the citizens it serves more safe and secure.

Are we so blind? Can we not see the free-fall of this country? And it’s not just the law and order situation and not just things that we demand from the government. There are other social issues as well. The basics of being a civilized society. We are as a nation unruly. And sadly that goes doubly so for the ‘ELITE’ of this nation.

I am fucking tired of writing sad stuff about our country… so don’t think I get a kick out of this. But I am also tired of the attitude of this nation. I appeal to the people who read this, and who feel they are in a position to do something, to act. I appeal for them to act. For all I can do now is write. I am not in a position right now where I can do anything useful. And no one has any idea of how much I wish I was. I don’t lust the power. I hate it. But I am fucking tired of reading and constantly hearing about the innocent who keep suffering.

Another example of this nation being asleep and absolutely not bothered about fixing it’s own flaws was given in the article published as the cover story of this week’s Review Magazine of Dawn. Please read it. It’s yet another horrific reminder of things we already know but either ignore or are too lost to care about. And that’s just … pathetic.

Of Resolutions and Implementations

I have just finished watching ‘The Alternative’ on Dawn News, hosted by Mr. Ijaz Haider ( Correct me if i am mistaken on the name). It was one of the few occasions that the media came to me in light of a responsible citizen. Mr. Haider, hats off to him, in the way he took up issues and was straightforward, objective and blunt about them. The issue under discussion was obviously a lot of things, but coming out of the ‘resolution’ which was adopted after the ‘in camera’ sessions that our parliment and the military etc have recently had.

I’ll just give a short gist of what transpired from the discussions in this show. It was established first and foremost that a lot of the terminologies which were used in the resolution was very vague…. and in dire need of clarification. Second the fact of the matter is that we can’t really decide ever what is our soveirgnty level, or what should our ‘independent foreign policy’ be. Not with the fact that our country more and more everyday seems to be heading in the direction of IMF. You can’t beg for money and then go on a rebelious lone wolf road. Impossible.Third…. there needs to be a better understanding and truthfulness about what the agendas of all the stakeholders involved in this country are. FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME I SAY ENOUGH POLITICKING!!! Fourth… we have to come and admit it and say it that this is now our war…. because its our children and women and men and the innocent who are dying at the hands of the f****** taliban or whoever so doing various suicide blasts and attacks. Not the US. Not any other country. But ours. So yes.. it is our war. And yes these attackers and insurgents are on our soil.  Last but certainly not the least….. what is the point of having resolutions and meetings and in house sessions and the formation of committees if thats just going to result in more meetings, and sessions and resolutions and sub committees… without anything productive actually happening. The Judicial issue was a classic example of this as played out by PML-N and PPP.

Now most of the stuff I would have wanted to say… has already been said in this program and thus covered by me in the short gist of it. Just to add to the above…. I’ve been saying this in a lot of my previous posts as well….. talking talking and more talking is not going to go anywhere because it will always be followed by the absence of action. That is what we need to focus on. Action, impelmentation on the problems and issues at hand. Implementation of solutions for them. And for once…. if the so called representatives of this nation… both elected and un-elected could actually for once live up to their identity of being the representatives it would be much appreciated.

I was quite impressed with Ms. Marvi … an MNA of PML-Q. The lady was quite well read, knowledgable and talking a lot of sense. Sense minus the now so obvious drool of being a Politician. More like sense out of complete sincerity.

PML-N …as always will remain in my darkest thoughts. No justice can be enough to be done upon them unless done by Allah Himself. I wish to no longer waste any of my seconds talking about them….. because it usually turns into rants.

And just to finish this… I would like to bring my spotlight onto the government. I am sorry… I have to keep asking myself … do we have a government ? Is this country actually being governed by people in office? And is it just a nightmare or one of the most questionnable characters to have walked this earth our ‘Democratic’ president? As far as I am concerned… the government is more non-existant then ever. It is headless…. well it does have a head … but … I am not sure that it’s a head head…. I am sure you get my drift. It is headles.. and directionless …. and doesn’t even look sincere in having the conviction of staying in office for long let alone the complete duration of it’s 5 years.

This country…. it’s economy and its governance is in a state of free fall right now. And no one is doing anything to actually do something about it. The citizens aren’t doing their bit…. the people with clout aren’t doing theirs…. just the slime and the scumbags are playing their cards…. and playing them well to their advantage.

Destiny..

I have been walking in my mind towards a destiny … that I know I am meant for… only I don’t know what it is. I know I am heading there…. one way or the other. Even if it doesn’t seem like it…. I know I am going there. Either that or I am really wishing hard that I am.

I tend to think .. about my life… and I can’t help but feel …. that there are bigger things out there. That I am not meant to have a normal … average… run of the mill … life….. like I am meant for being part of something not normal. Something special. Well maybe not special…. but something out of the ordinary. Something big. I am not trying to be conceited… and I am not trying to escape the drudgeries of everyday expectations and responsibilities. If anything right now I am trying very had to get a job… a normal… 9 to 5 job. But this feeling is there. It’s always been there on some level.

Lately I have been looking at people’s faces….and randomly … one would suddenly be in front of my face… talking to me conciously .. .telling me … that I have to go. On an adventure with them. (Yes i probably used the word adventure over here because I have recently been reliving the Lord of the Rings Epic Journey). On something ’special’ with them. An adventure… a journey… a trip. A life… different from the one I am leading right now. Making bonds that are so much more beyond human emotions…. there are like …. existantial bonds. I don’t know how else to put it.

And also these feelings have also pegged on this wish .. that super heroes were real… and people could actually end up with powers like those you read about in the comics or see in the movies. But ok .. this is extreme WISHFUL thinking. But then again.. you never know.

I know there is stuff out there that I am headed for which is bigger than what I have in mind right now. Or rather than what I understand in my mind right now to be my path ahead. But somehow I feel I am getting there only… one way or the other. I know its there…. I just don’t know what it is. I am lost on knowledge…. somehow not on path. Somehow …. I feel I am being guided in the right direction … only with a blindfold.

‘Dharkan keh rahi hay… yahan koi aanay wala hay…… 
Sawan keh raha hay …. badal koi chaanay wala hay….’

- Strings song ‘Koi Aanay Wala Hay’

I know it doesn’t completely fit …. but its the song in my head and kind of reflects all I said right now. ‘Koi anay wala hay..’ …. for me reflects …. something is going to happen. Some event is on the horizon. Maybe its just my job…. maybe its my destiny… we’ll see. I just felt like blabbering all of this.  

Gibberish…of a drained mind…

Imagine … violins playing in the background. They are touching just the perfect note for this moment. Completely defining my state of mind. Imagine that sound of music, so perfect.

The dark grey sky complimenting the violin strings … the drops from my eyes blending with those from the sky. The strong wind a perfect excuse to make it difficult to keep my eyelids open.

Gloomy weather for a gloomy mood. Its the perfect combination. Makes it a little easier to get through pain when it can easily blend into the surroundings and go unnnoticed as just another result of the weather.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be happy right now. But …. I am just thankful for the weather. I don’t have to look at my tear drops. I don’t have to look at pitiful sympathetic faces. Most of them saying something they cannot even comprehend.

‘I know what you are going through’ …. ‘I’ve been through exactly the same thing’….’I understand’ ….. ‘I can imagine’ …. ‘I know how you feel’ .

Poison words. Because you are not me .. .and you cannot possibly know how i feel. You cannot imagine what ‘I’ am going through because you are not me and don’t know and can’t know how I feel because you are not me.

I wish people would just not say anything instead of this irritating line. Every person is different. Hence every person’s experiences become different by that virtue even if everything in the situation is exactly the same.

They don’t know a thing.

I feel trapped. This music helps me. This violin helps me. But I still feel trapped. Nowhere to go, nowhere to run. Nowhere to place my shoulder to. I have to carry my own burden…. carry it by myself. No one else can share it with me. It was mine to carry anyways. And besides… everyone has their own share of problems.

I can’t think of what to do. I can’t think of the perfect solution. I am already grim and the easiest solution can only make my grimmer. Not to mention a goliath of life long scar.

I envy actors….. they hardly ever have to be who they really are. Who everyone really is.

Bastard coated bastard with bastard filling.  – Dr. Perry Cox. (SCRUBS)

I am losing sleep over losing myself and yet I am drowning in the same. The distance has grown… and the way is lost. Lost completely in my already drained mind.

Important: This post was not supposed to make any sense.