Tick , tick , tick…….tick………..tick……………..tick……………………….

“The time keeps going , and that infernal clock keeps reminding me. I wish it would stop. I wish i could make it stop. But thats not in my power. Must be in some damned mutants power on God’s earth. But not in my powers. I wish i had that power. I wish i could stop this timem before it runs out. And this entire city turns to dust and decay… radiation leaking from the ruin. NO!… can’t let that happen. I have to find a way to stop this………this this this … before i explo….”

NNOOOO!!!…. No … what the .. ? .. where am i ? … oh man it was another dream. What the matter with me ? I have been having the same recurring dream, where I explode. I just dont get it. And come to think of it, my powers have been acting a little strange as well. Fluctuating high n low. Is there something wrong with me ? … Am i actually going to explode? .. Probably not, its just a nighmare haunting me again ang again. And there is a good chance my enemies , rather my mortal enemies might be remembering me. Well, back to the real world and … oh man ITS 8:00!!! i am running late for class ! I will have to double time and reach class , and probably fly there. heh. Maybe that stupid dream isn’t about me actually exploding but rather what Mr. Lindstrum might want me to do. I am always late for his Social Ethics class.

ELSEWHERE

Vroom VROOM. Aah , my baby is purring smoothly. Nothing between us and the highway now. Well perhaps the odd unsuspecting victim. Lets say an unsuspecting Trucker perhaps.. hehe. I have made more this week than ever before. Those high society corporate jerkoffs don’t seem to pay attention to my little escapade. Well , not that there have ever been any survivors to tell the tale of their encounters with KINKADE !! .. Heh. . kinkade .. i love that name. They never even know what hit them. Just one of the side perks of having super strength and rage.

Hmm, come to think of it , i could probably do more than just truckers for myself. I think i will hit the city itself tonight. Have some fun there. Jostle up a couple of businesses. Who knows i will probably make my own little tributary thing like that guy in the God Father… oh yea.. Ensuring Protection from any Unfortunate events. That should be fun. I would have nothing to lose.

boom…

Sunday, the 28th of January. Dago was sitting with his friends at the local dhaaba. It was a slow morning so far. ALthough you don’t expect it to be much more than that. Dago was there with Jigs and Xia. They had come for a sunday naashta after a long time. Together the three of them. The trio of trouble , an affiliation they shared way back from their college days. They used to go on these nashtas a lot back then. But since they started their proffessional studies, and especially coming towards their final years, these outings together had become few and far in between. They were together today, thats all that mattered for now. They were sitting and chatting, reminising about the days past. It was a good sunday morning so far. Or atleast they thought so. The day had only just begun.

The waiter was bringing over their order, the puri, cholay and halwa. It was all dripped in ghee, a fact obvious from the glazy look all the dishes were giving. The waiter looked as if he had just gotten out of whatever bed he might have been sleeping at , and without adjusting anything from his hair down to his shalwar being positioned in a very odd way, to get the order to the three friends. He placed everything on the table , and then gave such a wide smile towards Juni, that he almost slithered over to the chair a bit further away from the waiter. Juni was always way more homophobic than anyone Dago knew. They started digging into their nashta. It was almost 9 in the morning. There wouldnt be a lot of people, hardly any people infact , up or about on a sunday at 9. Oratleast there shouldn’t have been.

There came a screeching noise from around the road bend. It was immedietely followed by the sight of a small gray car, probably a alto, racing towards the dhaaba. At first all the people present at the dhaaba were just looking in the eratic driver and his car. Soon they realized that the car had no intention of veering off. It was targeting their direction. A cold grip of panic took over everyone, the waiters simply dropped whatever they were holding and ran in the opposite direction. One of the cooks accidently crashed into the giant fryers. His scream was gut wrenching. Dago, Xia and Jigs were just about clearing themselves from the table , when they heard the scream, turned around , and saw the fryer in his horrible situation.

Running..from myself…

Everything that i thought i would be, has fallen right in front of me. Every second .. becomes more than i can take. I become so much more … than i should be. So much more than what i should not be. I have no choice left. I have to run from myself. Before i hurt someone. Before i hurt those i love… or those who love me. Before i hurt myself. Before i become so numb that .. i forget … everything. And all i see is a blur.

everything that everyone wants me to be… is a distant dream. Everything everyone is afraid of what i will be… a stark reality standing , in human form, in the shape of me. I have to run from myself.

Nothing… i do … i say… i plan… i want…. is unassociated with pain for me or for others. And now i become a part of me … ironic.. thats how its supposed to be. But i want to seperate myself from .. becoming myself. I have to forget myself … i have to run from myself.

But my shadow’s right there behind me. Hounding me , everywhere i go. It never goes away. I wish it would.

The imperfect… far from what is perfect. Bad… far from what is good. Far from rational. far .. far … far from … what i hoped i could be.

This is the end .. i knew would come for me. Sitting alone in this cold room…. all to myself… with no one. But my thoughts to consume me to my death. I have successfully driven everyone away already. So no one’s left behind anyway. My tears .. my salvation of sorts.. a temporary break away.

Who knew .. this day was going to be like the rest.

- The Bad Son , 1985 – 2007 ..

Ticket anywhere…

“we have to be open to the possibility of moving elsewhere… so let just get the tickets and think about when to use them later. u know.. just incase.”

Its a sentiment i am sure many are feeling right now. 2 guys got kidnapped the other day… from a residential area. at 8:30 at night. A bridge just fell , crushing cars and vans in its wake. Army soldiers were kidnapped. One was beheaded. The political arena has gone more to heck than ever. Literally. The Shariff’s land on the 10th, or atleast thats the claim so far. The general …. what is the general doing?

I want an answer. The whole nation wants an answer. I am upto my neck, flogged with emotional baggage. I don’t want to leave my country… but i’ll probably be pushed into it. Not perhaps by my family .. or others who care for me. But perhaps … by the situation of the country created by our leaders. Our so called visionaries.

My head is heavy right now. I have no aim… i have no direction. I want it to be in the way of staying here. But … it gets foggier and foggier. The truth that one was brought up with … seems to be fading away. In the blink of an eye… the existance that I am so used to… will go. I am .. now more .. inclined towards that sentiment than nething else.

I have a year left before i enter the field of .. work. A career. A professional life. And right now my head is spinning with what will happen after that. I have a headache .. which can very well go all the way to Guantanimo Bay . I.. just don’t know the answer anymore. I just don’t want to say anything anymore .. to anyone.

Maybe its not a bad idea .. just to lock a alternate future … incase things go beyone turmoil. You know .. get a ticket  now while i still can… and use it later. Kind of like the ‘Get out of jail for free’ card in monopoly.

If only .. those who we had faith in. Who we entrusted our hopes with… had made a sacrifice to actually do that. And not get consumed by … the power… of everything.

I wish … i didn’t have to face these emotions i know nothing of. I don’t know what to do.