On Relationships…

To my friends , writing on relationships would probably be something that they would not associate as something too logical or too helpful with me.  I have not had a very good history of being in a good relationship, albeit the one , which too as it turned out 4 years later, was not really a healthy one. I seem incapable of starting relationships with ppl i feel that i can start relationships with. And well the ones that i do start , just get so tainted with , my signature all over them. My signature being the fact that one way or the other i am the one who gets hammered in the end.

Relationships, i feel , are things better left beyond the understanding of what is mostly fair in life, or what is mostly just. I am sure that my friend , wrathchild would agree with me on this fact. But somehow one way or the other we are again and again drawn to be in them.  Even if we try to make ourselves emotionally dead. Humans are unfortunately needy beings. They are condemned to love. They are condemned to feel. Therefore to be emotionally dead is a herculeun task.  Hence we are drawn to the all so eutopia of a relationship.

As it turns out, since we think of relationships on par with eutopia, we tend to take the level of our expectations really high. And when we do that, something inside makes us turn into these really emotionally sensitive creatures who would start treating our respective others like royalty or like angels. This takes to a very very vulnerable position. Even if at the outset we might feel happy and secure about things, it makes us veulnerable to the most hurtful of things. The drastic dissappointment to our expectations.  And that makes us miserable. I am not saying that ends relationships but unforntunately that makes us miserable. In my opinion , relationships mostly have this theory working within it. Some people might be of the opinion, that , by treating their respective others like crap, is the success formula for a relationship. Something common to jockful guys about their girls. Not something i can contemplate with. And unfrotunately for me i have already been in a realtionship where i have NOT TREATED her like crap and instead like someone i cared about. She did not run me over with a 18 wheeler thou, it just wasn’t a healthy relationship in the end. The other experiences of mine , did seem like 18 wheelers.

So where does that leave me ? I am not ready to treat anyone like crap, and i am already the opposite. So where is the in between ? The true formula of a happy relationship. AFter much deliberation, after much thought, i am still clue less. Relationships still seem complex structured elements to me that i can’t seem to comprehend. So much so that i reminded of what i was like as a Chemistry Student. I have thought , done , and observed all the understandings and the compromisies and the opposites attract and things in common and what nots. I still remain clues less on this phenomenon of a relationship.

In the end , relationships to me, will be something that some person or the other would provide incentive towards .  Not intentionally, but still would happen. What is worse is once that happens i will go at a million miles an hour. And before you know it , i would be smitten. I would have also gone on to say whipped , however, i refuse to believe that i will be whipped or nething.  

Relationships, dont know squat about them. And in my honest opinion, one must try their level best to stay away from them until i suppose we are in a more secure position with other aspects of our life. And to all those who are in one right now , Cheers, for the drink you will be having to sulk in.  

For All The Gunners To All The United Fans

This is a letter i got from a fellow Gunner. I simply loved it, and would like to share it with the world at large.

An epic game of football took place on the night of the 21st and I was fortunate enough to have witnessed the action live albeit thousands of mile away from where I would have wanted to be.

football, a game we have all fallen in love with, a game which we all admire, a game which has taught us how to handle all the excitement and all the pain in all of 90 minutes. I saw excitement and jubilation turn into anger and misery in about 5 minutes and yet I also experienced indifference turn into to jubilation in about 5 minutes.As you all know I am a fantasy junkie and hence outcome of matches take a back seat to individual points. This was my frame of mind when the match started yesterday. I was only interested in two gentlemen from both teams scoring goals. Mind you one of them did not even start and was on the bench and the other was taken off for the most profound of reasons which I guess only the ‘Knight’ in shining armour can explain. Otherwise the result did not matter. However that all changed when Mr. Azhar being the ardent supporter of a team managed by a person who makes such profound statements like ‘Rooney needs to score’ started jumping up and down and punching the air when ‘Rooney did score!!!!’ I have never heard Mr. Wenger say ‘Henry needs to score’ and the reason I guess is that when he plays he does…… score. I shall dwell on this point again.

Over the years I have learnt never to cry or never to smile before the final whistle and this is exactly what I did yesterday. I guess my receding hair line is a testament to this fact. Having said this the receding hair lines of the Devils fans doesn’t indicate that they have learnt their lessons. I only punched the same air which Mr. Azhar had done earlier but with more conviction and a greater confidence that the same air will not punch me back. I understood the game plan. It was to be good hosts till the time that you decided that it was a game of football we were playing. That is when a certain Mr. Persie was called to action. I guess that also showed the difference between the two managers. One took off Mr. Hleb and put on the gentleman I just mentioned and the other took off Mr. Ronaldo (the highest scorer in the team and the second highest scorer in the entire league) and put in Mr. Heinze, a defender, and that too after Mr. Persie had equalized. Why on earth would anyone with 20 years of experience with the same team do such a thing? Might as well have Mr. Kuzsack come in for Rooney and stand in goal. Then there would have been 2 goalkeepers and the last goal would have still been conceded! In any case who am I to criticize the most influential pensioner in the world? Maybe it is time he should start living on pension.

Coming back to the game; enter stoppage time of the game and the Devils are satisfied with a draw or so it seems based on the decisions of the manager. However the King as we all know him is not satisfied with a mere draw and that too in his ground. This is his castle, his fortress, his coliseum. He has entertained his guests and let them play with the ball as much as they want. He then asks them whether they want to play football and being the fools which they were, they replied in the affirmative only to be faced with the wrath of the French King. Take a bow for Henry for in his calculated mind he then being the callous King which he is, waited and waited and waited till the time the whistle moved from the hands of the referee to the lips of the referee to send a killer header into the net of the Devils. Perhaps a page out of some fairy tale book or some horror book for all of you, but in comes Mr. Eboue who gets the ball from Mr. Fabregas and whips the balls into the circle which is manned by 10 gentlemen in blue jerseys and one gentleman in a yellow jersey and the ball which is moving like a targeted missile finds the head of the King only to be found behind the gentleman in the yellow shirt. All of this took not more than a minute and you could see the faces of the gentlemen in blue. I could only see the face of the gentleman in a red jacket with the Devils logo on the left side and the ‘Champions League’ logo on the right. Why on earth would a team which got kicked out of the European competition in the first round last year make jackets of that nature is beyond my understanding. Anyway, the reaction was classic both from the gentlemen in blue as well as the gentleman in red sitting watching. With his head hanging all he could do was twiddle with his thumb and play with his technologically advanced device. I guess the message was to another gentleman marked in this email which read ‘We are fucked!”

Gentlemen: We went to the Old Trafford known as the ‘theatre of dreams’ and indeed made a theatre out of the whole proceedings. Mr. Lehmann did not have to look behind even once to get the ball. Thereafter we invited you to the latest stadium in London only to have your asses kicked back to Manchester.

All I’m trying to say after all that I have said is ‘Don’t fuck around with the best. You might go on to win the league and the Champions League and the FA Cup and whatever other silverware you can get your pity hands on and I shall support you all the way on each of these endevours but in the end the only team to have kicked your ass TWICE is the team led by the true King’

Enjoy your day or what is left of it. J I will surely enjoy mine!

The Easiest Jobs in Pakistan!

I was just thinking about stuff, and it kind of came to me , something that my mother often says  . “The two easiest jobs in Pakistant are either becoming a Gardner or a Preacher. If you dont find anything else to do, you could always do either of those in this country. “

Its a sad state of affairs isn’t it when you think about it from the preacher aspect. The people preaching on our religion, are mostly, mostly uneducated people who could not find any other way to make a living so they just grew long long beards, and then started preaching the religion. Unfortunately because of these people who preach religion while no being educated, and without truly applying the basic of the Quran i.e. The Holy Quran is for all times, are teaching the fundamentals of the religion to others. Especially other uneducated people. That is the reason , why this Eid and the last one , we had 3 different Eid celebration dates in our country.  That is the reason there are still maderassah’s run in this country. That is the reason there are extremists who are promoting a negative view of Jihad in this country, and teaching a negative aspect of it to the blind followers.

So therefore it is sad that becoming a Preacher is the one of the easiest jobs in this country. Imagine the benefits Pakistan’s nation could have had if it had been the other way around and if better qualified people and educated people started spreading the Faith of God.

From ‘A History of God’

The idea of a single divine being – God, Yahweh, Allah has existed for over 4,000 years. But the history of God is also the history of human struggle. While Judaism, Islam and Christianity proclaim the goodness of God, organised religion has too often been the catalyst for violence and ineradicable prejudice.

The Day I Die

Everyone said that maybe, but no one was sure at all
Everyone said they would save me, no one was there at all
Everyone said believe me, but how could i start to believe
Everyone said feel me, but how could i start to feel

The days went by, the nights went by
The weeks came by, the months came by
Nothing ever changed, nothing ever stayed the same
Nothing ever to take home, nothing in the soul less face

My sunday mornings called, what i was supposed to be
My monday nights made, what i feared not to be
So I just gave it all away, I just made peace
I just got away from it all, I just took me

Now maybe the world will see, maybe everyone will hear
Now maybe i will start to feel, what i am not supposed to feel
I will be soon a hallow body roaming the world, the day i cry
But it will be a circle on a date on the calendar, the day i die

Gibberissh for the day

It should be noted that, a cool tall glass of drink can be hazardous to health. It might be nice to look at , it might be good in taste. It might even give you that ever needed refreshing feeling as well… but seriously its a hazaourd to health. It will , IT WILL come back and bite you in the Ass. In the actualy ass and in the ass of watever your hear feels is its ass.

Renegade X: The Beggining Part 2

The wind is nice and breezy tonight, the night is calm and quite. No robberies, no gang bangs, no gang wars, no skirmishes, not even a road rage going on. Thats sad, and very very boring. Not that travelling at the height of sky scrapers isnt in itself exciting enuff, but you kind of get bored with it after doing it for the 1 millionth time.

Thats right , the 1 millionth time. ME, Renegade, the denizen of the darkness. The son of the night. Used to be different thou, i think it used to be the son of Justice. Heh, that was ofcourse before, i parted ways with the system. Now , i am just my own , one man good natured freak show who occasionally comes upon certain unruly elements.

I think i will take a break from the flying now. Hey what do you know, i ended up on the same building I started my night time adventures. I can even remember the day i got these powers. I can remember it all very well.

13th January, 1994. It was a mildly warm afternoon in the small small city i lived in. All was pretty much the same. i was just a 9 year old kid back then. I was going back home from school. It was slightly dusty, the road i mean. My friends were all going to the city park, to play probably. I had to go home, help my dad with some painting. I loved working with my dad. It gave us a chance to bond and crap. Suddenly got glimpse of my hand.it was turning red. real red. it was turning into a crymson clad gauntlet. Then i felt hot, so hot i couldnt breath. Stumbling, i tried to grab the tree and burned it. Still remember the imprint of the hand that i left. Then, there was this feeling inside. This strange feeling which i never felt before. It was so overwhelming. Everything started to black out. My body started emating some sort of glow. And then, like everything had reached a boiling point, like a maximum of sorts. I had this urge,this urge….and then it happened. I passed out. I think i must have blacked out for atleast a good couple of hours. When i woke up, everything seemed hazy. Getting back focus seemed hard. When i realized i had focus, only there was nothing to focus on. Everything was gone, everything was disintegrated. As if this was a blast site. The park, the houses, the road….  everything but me. Genius aint required to figure what happened. I was different. I felt more warm. I felt a little woozy. It all came back to me. I didnt know what to do.”DAD!!” I started running towards where my house would have been, only i didnt know where to run to. I still kept running. And i fell to my knees, and i knew my life had changed forever. Then this man came, as if from the sky, as if he glided down.It was almost like a Godsend. That moment felt divine. He just looked at me. I just followed him.I dont know why, but i was just driven to follow him. Driven from inside. Little did i realize then, that my life would change much more than i could possibly imagine. I was no longer a nine year old boy called Brad. I was more than that… I was a renegade. The renegade.

Years later, I started doning a new identity, calling myself Renegade X. One would think that this is a gift, power which can so easily be used.But its not. Its a curse. Its not power, its a weakness. I am a walking time bomb. I can blast like that anytime again. How i gained my curse, I dont know, just that it could come anytime. My only consolation, that i also have powers which i can put to good use, before the fateful day i live to my name. Renegade, traitor, turncoat. Thats what i will be to this universe. A blast of huge proportions. I dont know more than that. I was never told more than that, by that man. I dont know if i should believe him or not, but it doesnt matter, he gave me a life. But flying, and generating heat waves and mini radioactive concussion blasts, is a cool thing to have till then. I, as Renegade X, do as much good as I can, before my curse kicks in. I still dont know who that man was that day, except that he taught me all I know today. He got me a makeshift normal day life, an identity that i could go by. I am just a kid he said. And still am today. I need to complete my education , need to earn a living in order to feed myself. Cant use my powers for that. Cant abuse my powers. Hmm. something to think about really. I used to help the cops out. Until the system’s filth got to me.

Ooh , time to snap out of it , looks like there is a road rage on for tonight after all. Well time for Renegade X to do his self taken duties….. I love this night time, this is my time.

Daniyal – 16th January 2007

16th of January, 2007, the day that my eldest brother has become a dad. My bhabi has become a mom. My parents have become Dada Ju and probably Dadi. My younger brother and bhabi have become ‘kaka’ and ‘kaki’ . I have become a Chachu. Yep… i just became a chachu. We all have had an upgrade in our , reletive, lifecycles i suppose.
Welcome to the world Daniyal, it sucks , but you are going to love it , just like the rest of us.

Train Wreck Life

I feel the wind hitting me
Like 20 leagues below the sea
I think I have been crying for so long
All the emotions inside me have gone
Now whats left is the whispers in my ear
Telling me to run away far away from here

I think I am bleeding from inside
Stories are now just fading with time
I have tried it all and all thats great
The cycle’s the same and its not that straight
There are moments when i want to say goodbye
But still instead i end up alone waiting to cry

This life, this train wreck of emotions
Passions that came from poison guns
Going in circles i am still the same
Looking for a way to stay sane
And if there was ever hope in me
I left it by the blizzard in a sea

Just some gibberish thoughts

The foribidden organ, or rather the heart. I like calling it the forbidden organ thou… kind of makes it sound … i dont noe … .comulsively evil towards the whole body in nature. It does its physical job 100% … that is to pump blood and what not. But the intangible job .. well thats a whole different ball game with whole different implications.
However, we are not here talking about the dynamics of my opinion on the heart or as i said … the forbidded organ.
Your own worst enemy … cant trust it for a minute. IN No time it will have you going a million miles an hour , make a friend … and then BAM! … before you noe it … you are history and just got dried up with the sink water and thrown away like a rag. iTs true…

Thats why i do believe the easiest way to get thru these paassion pumping youth years of ours is simply to go EMOTIONALly dead, i think it will be a better way for many to njoy their life. I think if atleast not njoy , just get thru it without losing sanity, or going into depressive spells.